Sonder

“Sonder” I have been in love with this word for about two years now, I even started a series using the title on TikTok.

You might know it, but what is Sonder?

Simple definition: the realization that everyone is living a life as real and complex as yours.

Photograph by theniyifagbemi on instagram.

I was over at my friends place on Sunday after church, after eating salah meat and rice, getting knocked out cold for two hours to the extent that I snored, waking up and picking up on a new gist, I remember going quiet for a few minutes.

The room was quiet, not that awkward kind of silence you feel the need to fill — no. It was the kind of comfortable silence that either makes you smile or reflect.

The only sound I could hear was the sound of the AC working and occasional sounds from Naomi’s phone as she scrolled on Twitter.

“Life is good, you know what I mean? Yeah!” It’s a line from a song by drake and future “life is good.” You should listen to it if you haven’t and no! I won’t be tolerating any Drake dissing around me, he makes good music, that is that.

Anyway, the lyrics that usually followed after that line was future rapping, I knew the tune but not all the words, so anytime I wanted to sing it I basically just fast talked gibberish and added some body movements and I usually deepen my voice to give the part of the song “character.” I did that per usual and then we both laughed, but then, after the laughter died down and I rested my back, back on the wall, the statement came back to me

“Life is good” so I repeated it.

“Life is good, this year has been really fast, way faster than last year fosho, that’s crazy” I said to Naomi.

“True” she said. “It’s been a fast year, no doubt, but I think you see it as a fast year because it’s been a good year for you like you said.” And guess what? She was right.

The year has been good, sure I’ve had annoying days, but it’s been a good year for me so far. But then, there are people who might not view this same year that I “love so much” in the same light.

For some, they might have a nine to five they hate but have to go to everyday, they sit by their desk, they check the time, it might seem to not be moving at all and they mutter to themselves “can this day, this week, this month be over already? I’m exhausted.”

For some they could be grieving, others could be sick, some, broke to the max. We are all living the same year but on different frequencies and stories about it.

I believe the reason I love the concept of Sonder so much is because, it allows me to put myself in the shoes of others before I ever “judge” them. It’s a window into different lives.

I see someone walking fast- Oh what could this person be going through? I see a car drive by, what emergency do you think they are running too?

Sonder gives me the ability to first face a situation or person with curiosity and empathy before I eventually decide if they are a no go area for my energy, they are something I’d rather observe from afar, or someone I’d love to be associated with.

Either way, I see them.

Because they’re living a life as real and layered as mine.

---

See you in the next one

With love,

RS✨